Last week when I was at a thrift store, I saw a mix and matched set of Christmas dishes. I realized that most of the pieces in this set were from a unfinished set that I already owned. I decided to buy the set because I knew these were pieces that I didn’t have.
The set was marked at $9.99. I would have never paid that but, I did pay $2.50 (all Christmas 75% off) and felt good about that price.
My plan was simply to pack them up, marked the box and put them into my Christmas storage. As I was starting to rewrap the pieces, I had an epiphany.
I realized that I had not set a pretty table since Lia was taken away from us.
Not a tablescape and not even a regular dinnertime table.
I sat down and thought back over these past 6 weeks and realized how many things I stopped doing that I usually did just for the joy of doing it.
The simple things in my everyday life that brought a smile to my face seemed to stop 6 weeks ago. I don’t think I did on purpose, it just happened.
Besides all the pain, sadness and anger involved in this whole situation, I realized that I felt guilt. And I thought, “I can’t smile or be happy when I feel so guilty over what has happened”.
Why did I feel guilty? Because I promised a little girl that if she was brave and strong and just told the truth, everything would be okay. And this is the thing that has been haunting my heart for 6 weeks. I feel guilty that I didn’t protect her. I feel guilty that my words to her turned into lies.
This epiphany moment for me made me realize that it was NOT my fault. I did all the right things. The guilt should not be on my shoulders, it should be on the people that committed this horrific injustice.
I also realized what a disservice I have done to Lia, Troy, my family, my friends and to myself. By holding onto this guilt and letting it rule my everyday life, I stripped away the joy. The person I have been acting like is NOT Lia’s Mama. It is NOT Troy’s wife. It’s simply NOT Diann.
Today is the Epiphany also know as Three Kings Day. Also, today is the Twelfth day of Christmas.
The dictionary defines Epiphany…….
1 .( initial capital letter ) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day.
2. an appearance or manifestation, especially of a deity.
3. a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
Since so much of what I realized mirrors the tale of Scrooge, I too decided it is not too late to enjoy the holiday. I need to embrace and be grateful for this day. Not live the past within my heart. No more just going through the motions. I decided to celebrate and enjoy the last official day of Christmas!
This table is subtle. No big fanfare tablescaping going on here. Just a small step in the right direction.
Starting with a rough piece of burlap felt right for this table. Don’t ask why, it just did.
I hope you enjoyed your visit to my first tablescape of 2013. Like I said, no major “scaping” going on here. Just a small step in returning the joy to my heart.