Hi everyone!
I don't know about you but, New Years Eve is a chance to reflect on our past year. See it for what it was. What were the happy highlights? What were the unhappy highlights? And most importantly, what lessons did I learn during this past year?
2010 definitely taught me some lessons! But, oddly enough, the biggest and most important lesson I learned was over this past month.
I learned how important my role is in this world. Yup, I am a slow learner. I have been extremely sick for the last 3 weeks. Now, I have been "sick" in past of course. But, this was different. Instead of catching a "bug" of some sort that can be fixed by lots of rest, fluids and antibiotics. It sucks, you feel like crap and it is a nuisance. But, everyone goes through it and eventually you get better. That's not what happened to me.
My body shut down. BAM!! just like that. One minute I'm going a million miles a minute, multi-tasking as much as I could. And no warning, I am literally down for the count.
I discovered an interesting thing. When your body hits the point of pure exhaustion, it tries to protect itself by "shutting down". By that, I mean your body will do whatever it takes to make you stop. Completely stop. So, my body decided to make me stop by making every part of my body hurt and throwing my system into a major fever that took almost 4 days to overcome.
According to the Doctor, that is what happened. My body hit a point of pure exhaustion and dehydration and did what it had to do to protect itself. And all the different systems in my body that work so well together started fighting for their lives instead of working together. Everything was out of whack and fighting for survival.
I said earlier that there was no warning. After having some time to think about it and talking to the doctor, guess what? You know exactly what I am going to say don't you? There were LOTS of warnings. I just chose to ignore them....as usual. My very typical attitude was, "I don't have time to be sick!".
A reoccurring conversation in our home:
Troy: "Diann, when was the last time you ate?"
Diann: "Ummm, I don't know. I will get something as soon as I finish this."
Troy: "Just sit down for a moment and I will get you something to eat."
Diann: "Troy! I said I would after I finish this!"
Troy: "You are going to get sick Diann. That project can wait."
Diann: "Sick? I don't have the time to get sick! I have too much to do!"
I bet I am not the only one out there that fits this scenario am I? I think as women, it is natural for us to take on the burdens of the world. We are the ones that hold it all together. We have huge responsibilities. We go from the minute we wake up until our heads hits the pillow.
During those weeks, my husband and little princess survived. All those things that I felt were so, so important, cleaning, cooking, waiting on them, well, they managed on their own. It might not have been pretty but, they were fine. However, what I finally realized was they were scared and frightened about losing me. Just me, Diann. Not Diann the maid. Not Diann the cook. But, Diann the wife, mama, friend, daughter and sister. They could care less about all the things I thought were my most important responsibilities. Things I thought made me invaluable.
Did you know that you can hire someone to do all the jobs that I do everyday. Anyone could do them. Wait one second! Why have I placed so much value on all these jobs that I thought only I could do? This whole time, I never realized that my greatest value is being Diann. There is no other me in this world.
As a Wife, I am the only one who can smile at my husband and he instantly knows everything is all right in his world. And guess what? No one else in this world can smile MY smile.
As a Mama, I am the only one that can snuggle up with the princess at night and read stories or sing to her with MY voice.
As a Daughter, Sister or Friend, I am the only what that can get silly and laugh MY laugh.
If I am gone from this life, someone will clean, someone will cook, someone will manage the bills, someone will do all the errands. But, no one will be able to smile my smile, listen to my voice or hear my laughter again. If I am gone, NONE of those things will be here any more. They can't be replaced. And that is what makes me special and important.
So, my lesson learned for 2010 is, I am important and my biggest responsibility is to make sure I take care of myself first because I am the only one who can.
And to you, all the amazing women I have met through blogging, I wish for you in 2011,take care of yourself. You are the only YOU there is. And the world needs you. Without you, a little spark of light fades away.
I am grateful for having the opportunity to meet each of you and share our lives through blogging! Each of you are unique and I value that.
I wish you all a year of happiness, healthiness, joyfulness and silliness!!
Hugs and smiles,
Diann
